well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
