she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
