vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
