I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
