Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
