you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't turn off my feet"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
