i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
