Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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