im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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