I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
