one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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