The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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