i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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