He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
