just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
