Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
