What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
