im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
