If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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