My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
