What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
