I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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