How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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