I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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