my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
