I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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