just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
