ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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