This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
