Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
