There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
