Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
