fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
