he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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