I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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