hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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