you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
