I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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