you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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