so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm really busy with my period
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