yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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