I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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