So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
