she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
