things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
