So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
