That's intense
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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