Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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