i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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