You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
