my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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