Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
