My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
