yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am spending my child support on dildos
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
