last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
