I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
