He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
